"GROWING UP" : When One Wrong Step Can Lead You To A Minebomb

[Pau]

yep. since everyone knows im already 18 years old. though sometimes people think im "younger" than them (though im not. wait till you see the face). I think its time I change and face real life. Problem is, im kinda scared to change. looking at the world in an "Adults View" is kinda confusing. Since almost all of my habits are pretty much childlike (i.e walking slowly while looking up,down,left,right etc...; holding a cup with two hands), it'll be tough to change from being an "ignorant child" to a "decent adult". If i change what would I be? would I grow as a "independent person" or some "WTH person" (kinda like Jess mom. no offense). this has been in my head for a looongg time and I don't know what to do....so i though id ask you guys.

Question: "What should I do in order to be a decent person?"

any help is appreciated. arigatou 

[Angel~]

It is kind of a philosophical question you're asking. A decent person is an abstract concept. In every society it is different. And within those different societies, there are many forms of being a decent person. Maybe you could think about what you feel a decent person is? As for me, I feel that a decent person should take responsibility for their own actions, have a certain degree of awareness of other's feelings and isn't afraid to do some work. There are many other aspects and it depends on your own views and values of course. Think about what you value in a person and try to achieve that. ' Be the person you want to meet.' I read that quote once and I believe in it. Just try to be the person you would like to hang out with or befriend or work with. I am younger than you, but I hope that this helps.

[verdandi]

The fact that you want to be a decent person shows you're already off to a good start, ne?

You're thinking about things that most young adults think about, and never stop.  You don't end up a good person.  You continually work toward it.  That whole "life isn't a destination" crap applies more to what you're talking about than what it really means.  You never become a good person and just stay there.  You keep doing good things and trying to make yourself even better.  THAT is what being a good person is.  It's a paradox!

Look at three adults you admire.  I bet you can find them.  They might be family, or someone in the community, or even a celebrity.  What do you admire about them? How can you emulate those people? Don't try to become someone else, but do try to adopt the behaviors of the people you admire.

For me it's my aunt.  She's kind, friendly, honest, and a good mother.  When in tough parenting situations, I think how she would handle it, and then do that.  And I'm proud to say that even if I can't be as sweet as she is (I'm way too brash), at least I'm proud of the mother I've become, and the kindness I can show other people.

Everyone has role models, even if we don't realize it.  Just make sure the ones you're really modeling yourself after are people you really want to be like.  People you respect and adopt those respectable qualities without losing sight of who you are. 

And if you stumble or do something you're not proud of, don't beat yourself up.  Treat it as a chance to learn from your mistakes and therefore do better next time.  Remember: being a good person is all about trying to be a good person, not necessarily doing everything perfectly.

P.S. - don't feel like you need to give up some of your "childish" traits.  If they're not harming anyone or yourself, what's wrong with them?

[Pau]

P.S. - don't feel like you need to give up some of your "childish" traits.  If they're not harming anyone or yourself, what's wrong with them?

though my parents and everyone else says i should stop those habits 

[Jess]

those habits make you who you are and if you stop these things you are not special you are like every one else

[Angel~]

You should keep the things that are a part of you.

[Samu]

The difference between "child" and "adult" is different for everyone. To some people it may be the little things (i.e. holding a cup with two hands), and for others it could mean making larger changes.

Personally, I don't think you should feel compelled to change who you are to fit into a certain societal standard. When you reach the age of 18, you're not going to transform into a completely different person. You are still the same person you always were, and reaching a milestone in your age isn't really going to change that.

Just be the person you are now. If you really feel the need, you can adjust yourself and make changes as you move through life. Learn from your mistakes, and don't always try to prevent them from happening. c:

[Angel~]

I totally agree with you Samu!

[verdandi]

P.S. - don't feel like you need to give up some of your "childish" traits.  If they're not harming anyone or yourself, what's wrong with them?

though my parents and everyone else says i should stop those habits 

So? I repeat: is it harming you or anyone else to hold a cup with two hands or whatever? Nope.  Just because something is done by children doesn't mean it shouldn't be done by adults. 

Children share with each other.  They see the world with inquisitive eyes and they constantly learn new things.  Should adults stop doing all that too just because children do it?

[Angel~]

I've heard this phrase once: "Creative adults are the children who survived." I think that there is wisdom in there, because children have unlimited curiosity, creativity and are open to anything new.

[verdandi]

I've heard this phrase once: "Creative adults are the children who survived." I think that there is wisdom in there, because children have unlimited curiosity, creativity and are open to anything new.

Technically, all adults are children who survived...

And actually, children are less likely to be open to new things (ever try to get them to try a new food? Ugh.).  But they're more likely to ask questions. 

[Angel~]

Technically, you're right, but I think that they meant the children's spirits.

[`Shally.]

I am still afraid of real life, but you're eventually understand it over periods of time. You will face problems and solutions to life but it may not work out very well. It's very different for each person, because like I said, age is not really the big hit on growing up. It takes longer for others to grow up, like me for an example. I'm almost 19 and I'm still acting like a kid. If you're not ready to face the world, you shouldn't do it. But if you want to try it, then do your best at it. When you change, you actually don't really change. You just change the way you do things, like your habits. And it's also pretty okay to act like a kid once inwhile. If this is about getting a carrer and having family, that's different. It really depends on what kind of life you want to start off.
If you want to become an actual adult, then that really depends on what kind of adult you want to become. Like do you want to be like those political people; all smart and dedicated to work? An adult that can take care of themself and others if needed? But I think you're that situation about being independent. Well, how I see when people start getting indendepent, is by getting a job. Because once you understand the concept of how to work and do your job, then that's the first step in becoming independent. Well for others, the first step is to learn how to cook and make food for your self. But anyways, after learning the basics of cooking, getting a job, and finding a place to live; you'll understand the ways of an independent adult. Although it's different for some people, others are independent but they still live with their parents; except for bills like electricity, energy and water is split. Meaning you pay half of it and the family pays the other half.
My councilor once told me that it's okay to be scare because over periods of time, you eventually learn how life is. And I get bunches of lectures from my councilor and my olderbrother+ sister in law about life and growing up. They tell me that, I should change my attitude and behavior first, then get your education/job on the right path; after that I will know how to start off.

I hope this helps, and like I said, you DON'T have to grow up immediately after your turned 18 or once you're 18 or 21. Because it's different for each person and how each person thinks about becoming an adult should be.

[Angel~]

I feel that growing up has to do with your mental state of mind, not so much with your age, like Sally already said.

[Harrstein]

Also certain life events can make you adult quite fast. Being booted from hs for example (not because of behavior btw) was quite a trigger for me for example. kinda like life smacing you in the face like "OI if ya aint gonna be responsible for yerself im gonna get ya"