My sad life story.

[`Shally.]

Today, I was helping my mother clean the house, but she kept on yelling at me on how I brush the floor wrong. I kept talking back at her, but nothing ever changes. She either yells back or just told me to stop. I don't think my mother ever ask me anything better than this. She only yells at everything I complain about, "My back hurts", "My stomach hurts." , "My knee hurts." ; She thinks that I'm just using those as excuses. If I was, why would I help you clean in the first place? I mean, I do love my mom. I just hate how she reacts toward my feelings. I just wish that she understand how I feel. Are all parent's like this? Afterwards, my mom just told me to leave, so I went to the room and cry. I try to suicide, but I held back, because there are other things in the world that could make me happy. But I thought about it, how long should I wait? I've been in darkness for so long, wishing someone could take me away. Nightmare falls and overcome my mind. Each and everyday, I thought about killing. But I know that is not the solution to any problems; well it may be for some murder cases. But it's probably because no one in my family knows how it is felt when you're a shy girl and gets bullied by other kids. Does anyone know a solution to my problem?

And by the way, it's been like this for the past 6 years of my life. I've been holding these pain and I've been trying to stop. But for some reason, I continue to do bad things. But nowadays, I try to keep it smooth. But its not working as well as it should be. After my mom left, my dad came inside the room; he was trying to comfort me. But I kept on rambling about how cruel my mother is. Or how cruel everyone is about thinking "Oh Jeff is such a smart kid. Look at how much work he is doing." Jeff is my younger brother. But my parents know nothing about him. All the secrets I kept it, but all my secrets he tell everyone. I hate it.

Well this is how my life is. :x

[Ryu]

Sally, the worst thing you can do is commit suicide. It will solve nothing, and I'm sure you realize that since you haven't actually attempted it yet. I'm glad that you posted this 'cuz it shows that you put trust all of us at Transcendence with problems that you can't share elsewhere. From what I've heard from you and seen from you, you're an awesome-sauce person.
Please, consider the staff here your second family, if you want. We're here for you! 

I can sympathize and empathize with your feelings. Sometimes, I feel like the my family and whole world is against me, even when I usually know it's not. From what I've been told, many teenagers go through this, but that doesn't necessarily mean it doesn't hurt.
When I hurt, I try singing while doing something with my hands: drawing, making a bracelet, or composing poetry. You can try pillow-punching, too. XD Works for me, sometimes.

You can endure this, but you' don't have to do it alone! Again, thanks for telling us all. 

If there's anything that I can do to help, please let me know. :) I completely understand your feelings, so you can talk with me.

[`Shally.]

Lols I try those tactics, but each time something goes wrong or when my older brother hears sounds coming from my room. He comes in and slap the **** out of me. Life isn't fair, but I just I have to live with it. I mean, it's going to happen if I do very unlawful things that made me go to jail and I get beat up for not telling the truth.

But seriously, this is like those modern days. I thought the future was to change the modern days, but its like it's coming back.

[Ryu]

Your brother what?! I've never had a sibling hit me for being loud before, so I honestly don't know what to say.
Just know that you're in the right, even if your mother and brother aren't. That would make you better than them.
And from what you've said, you can easily be better than them! 

Unfortunately, life is gonna be full of its ups and downs. 
But, again, you're not alone in this. Someone out there is suffering similar experiences (such as me!).
Since you're comfortable with sharing, I'm all ears. Talking definitely helps.

[Renny]

  your life sounds worse than mine!!

. All the secrets I kept it, but all my secrets he tell everyone. I hate it.
Well this is how my life is. :x

Secrets are horrible to keep!!! i keep some that could send mu brother to jail! All you can do is to look for the bright side and hope the future is better....

When I hurt, I try singing while doing something with my hands: drawing, making a bracelet, or composing poetry. You can try pillow-punching, too. XD Works for me, sometimes.

I agree! ! clear my mind and write a story on my cell phone writing down emotions help me... Sometime i hide my face under my pillow and cry!!

If you want to talk I'm also here! hang in there and don't give up

[Mister Want]

Like Ryu said, I'm both surprised and happy that you trusted the Transcendence staff to tell us this. And suicide isn't the best solution. I think it's great that you're writing about this--because not talking about it, keeping silent is probably one of the worse things you can do. After all, if you're quiet--no one will know what you think, feel and such.

I don't know if it would work, but have you ever tried sitting down with your mother and just having a serious conversation? I think, parents as much as they try, they do miss things. So, what your mother sees is probably different from yours. She can't see everything, all the sides. Also, is your mom under  any stress? I know my mom when she is under stress, she finds fault with the things I do. I usually just stay quiet, do the chores or things I'm supposed to do (out of her way if I can help it) until she calms down or relaxes. Times like those, I try not to take it personally. But, I understand it might not be the same for you and your mother. I do advocate trying to have a deep serious conversation if you can with your mother, if only to clear things up. And in any case, it's one thing to try.

As for your brother hitting you--how old is he in relation to you? And how bad is the hitting? Because...it could end up much more abuse, enough to raise issues legally.

And yes, relieve your emotions. Bottling up does no good for the soul. Smash a pillow, write in a journal, listen to some damn heavy screaming metal. (I myself actually cracked a mirror once because I was so angry. >_<)

And continue to post here. We're always here to listen. And if you don't feel comfortable posting certain things, PM or email people here that you really trust and just get it all out.  You already have Renny and Ryu here as volunteers (as well as myself).

[`Shally.]

Well, it is kind of surprising to tell my story here. But I trusted you guys, and after all transcendence did say i can post anything about my life or complications and sorts.

Two days ago, I had another worst day. I was doing my own thing (listening to music/ watching tv) and so my dad wanted to play the computer so, I turned it on for him, log into facebook for him. And Well I was sitting on there. And all of the sudden my sister-in-law came out of the room starts yelling at me, asking me "Why are you on the computer at this time?" I can't go on the computer or any online stuff until my younger brother comes home from his summer school. (Which is gonna be over in next thursday) anyways, i was on...but i was just helping. So i answered her ...And she say "Oh ok, you better not lie"

Well that's how it is.We have such strict rules.
1. No lying . (VERY BAD HABIT)
2. Do chores (Or get punished)
3. Do your homework (or get grounded)
4. Turn off monitor (or don't play until another week)
5. Don't download/install stupid crap , such as gimp, photoshop. (They consider it stupid....)
6. Don't go on random sites. (Like those virus shit and stuff)
And many more to go.
This is like jail. T_T

[Ryu]

Why can't you go on the computer before your younger brother gets home? O.o

Oh, my god. I hate doing chores so much. 
AND HOMEWORK. But I want good grades, so doing homework is kinda a necessity... 

Gimp and Photoshop are definitely not stupid! They're legit programs.
And many people make their living by using them to create art/designs/whatever. Not stupid at all...

Just think, though: in a few years, you can go off to a college in New York, Canada, England, wherever. And a few years after that, you can live on your own! HOME FREEEEEE

[Mister Want]

I get some of the rules, but I don't get others. I mean, lying? It's not right if you follow it strictly. But lying is okay sometimes, I think. Depending (like, no honey, you don't look fat~).

And I think someone should move this to lounge or something. It's not really "fanfiction", not to mention anyone can see this since the fanfiction section isn't restricted to registered users only.

Anyway, *hugs*. Because hugs are great, even if they're internet ones. One of my teachers used to say that everyone should get a three hugs a day at least.

[Ryu]

I agree with the move.

*GROUP GLOMP HUG*

[`Shally.]

Why can't you go on the computer before your younger brother gets home? O.o

Oh, my god. I hate doing chores so much. 
AND HOMEWORK. But I want good grades, so doing homework is kinda a necessity... 

Gimp and Photoshop are definitely not stupid! They're legit programs.
And many people make their living by using them to create art/designs/whatever. Not stupid at all...

Just think, though: in a few years, you can go off to a college in New York, Canada, England, wherever. And a few years after that, you can live on your own! HOME FREEEEEE

Because i said something mean to my older bro which makes him change the rules for me to wait for my younger bro.
Well, this is how life is now. Chores Chores Chores.

LOLS well. i know photoshop is the real deal in creative arts.
And gimp is for beginner users that cant even bother buy it.

I get some of the rules, but I don't get others. I mean, lying? It's not right if you follow it strictly. But lying is okay sometimes, I think. Depending (like, no honey, you don't look fat~).

And I think someone should move this to lounge or something. It's not really "fanfiction", not to mention anyone can see this since the fanfiction section isn't restricted to registered users only.

Anyway, *hugs*. Because hugs are great, even if they're internet ones. One of my teachers used to say that everyone should get a three hugs a day at least.

LOL. well i didn't know where to put it. so yeph.
How exactly do you move it?

[charmy]

No worries, I've moved it for you. :) Hope that's okay.

[Renny]

I also think that some of the rules are fair but that the others are a bit over the top!

Don't let my brother hear you say gimp is for beginners... I do all my drawings in Gimp as it is faster than Photoshop...

Anyway, chores are a pain but at least you wont have to do them forever! Try convince your family that Photoshop and gimp are not stupid (try make them stuff or show them what you can do, some families like when they are shown what you do).

I'll join in on the group hug!! I love hugs even though I tell many people i hate them..

[`Shally.]

Haha true. I guess some families doesn't understand their own child.

I don't hate it, I just hate how strict the chores.

LOL group hugs. :P You don't like to be randomly hugged? :]

Well, I guess I can say is, I just have to live with it.

[Ryu]

I love randomly hugging and getting random hugs. 

<TACKLE GROUP GLOMP HUG>

[`Shally.]

LOL. my sad story become a happy ending. ??

-hugs everyone- ?

[Ryu]

  Isn't that a good thing?
Love makes the round go round (theoretically, in a nicer, more fantastical, world. XD)

Ugh, the world is not a nice place, peeps. I wish everyone could just hug and make up.

<HUG>

[Renny]

I agree, wish the world were a good place to be...

[`Shally.]

LOL i don't mean it in a bad way. xD
I forgot that this site don't like Unicode. xD
Soooo
what i meant to say was <3 <-- ;D LOL

I cry again. :3

[Renny]

Unicode??

[Koyue]

Sounds like my life sort of. Never tried suicide though. But, always remember do you want to give in to being weak-minded or strong-minded? I have an inferiority complex.

[Yuukii]

There's always a happy path. Don't suicide. It depends, on which path you go. A path will always open for you if you stay positive.